Last night as I was alone in the car, I had one of those random thoughts. God, I don't know how people who physically have nothing, and have to scrounge everyday just to find enough food to survive, how they can praise you. How could I praise a father/BFF who has chosen to allow my Christian sisters and brothers to bask in wealth, while I have to scrounge for food and shelter, watching those around me succumb to disease unnecessarily, even losing family members due to conditions of poverty?
This has troubled me because it makes me think that I don't have what it takes to praise God through thick and thin. And with the same breath, I beg God that I really don't want to be tested to find out.
First of all, I don't like to be uncomfortable and secondly, I'm afraid I wouldn't pass and that I would spend the rest of my earthly life not pleasing God with my life. I want to end well. Maybe that's too prideful, it's all about me? I guess if it would further God's plan, I should be willing, but I'm still scared I wouldn't pass the test.
And in true-God fashion, the entry in Jesus Calling from Sarah Young today has this statement to me (I'm sure it was added just for my eyes this morning), "Your sense of security must not rest in your possessions or in things going your way. I [God] am training you to depend on Me alone, finding fulfillment in My Presence." She ends with this verse from Psalm 27:4, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."
I sense from David's words is that I need to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and not my surroundings, and to always seek Him. This is hard, I feel I have so much beauty around me, leaves changing colors on a piece of land we call ours (but it's really God's), a comfortable home with heat and air, and enough stuff to make me think I need to give most of it away. It's too much to dust, clean and store. Life would be simpler without a lot of this stuff, but where is that line? I guess I need to always seek God as I buy, dust, clean and store.
If I gaze on His beauty, and seek Him, my surroundings may start to diminish into the background as I focus on Him.

My devotions today included reading a chapter in Charles R. Swindoll's book David. I was reading that part where God is calling Samuel to go anoint David to be the king. There is so much in this passage, but a couple parts hit me today.

The first is 1 Samuel 16:2, "But Samuel said, "How can I go? When Saul hears of it, he will kill me." God will show me my way, just as He did to Samuel, "No, not this one, or this one, or this one. Yes, this is the one." I need to be listening and following. Here was God's man, doing God's work, looking on the insurmountable that he saw with his own eyes (Saul) instead of keeping his eyes on God. He was being human. How often do I know what I'm supposed to do, but make excuses because of the enormity of what's in front of me? Instead of just doing it and saying, "Lord, point the way for me."

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

And then the question, do I have a Saul in my life? Is there somebody who irritates and rubs and files and crapes and bothers me? Of course the answer is yes. I have many of them. Those people are part of His plan. God uses them to develop me. Yikes! I'm so sorry Lord that I constantly try to thwart your plan for me, by deciding I am going my own way.
I'm reminded of the song by Frances Havergal,

1. Take my life and let it be
   Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
   Take my moments and my days,
   Let them flow in endless praise.
   Take my hands and let them move
   At the impulse of Thy love.
   Take my feet and let them be
   Swift and beautiful for Thee.
   Take my voice and let me sing,
   Always, only for my King.
   Take my lips and let them be
   Filled with messages from Thee.
   Take my silver and my gold,
   Not a mite would I withhold.
   Take my intellect and use
   Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
   Take my will and make it Thine,
   It shall be no longer mine.
   Take my heart, it is Thine own,
   It shall be Thy royal throne.
   Take my love, my Lord, I pour
   At Thy feet its treasure store.
   Take myself and I will be
   Ever, only, all for Thee.
2. 
   
3. God will show me my way, just as he did Samuel. "No, not this one, no, not this one and not this one. Yes, this is the one." I need to be listening. 

Well, I'm back again. A friend and I were talking today about writing and how we both are wanting to write, but are challenged with taking the time to accomplish this desire. I told her about something I had heard a couple weeks ago that suggested the easiest way to write is to challenge yourself to write just 500 words a day. As I thought about that then, I decided this should be doable. Its only about two regular double-space Word pages. I told my friend this great piece of wisdom, wishing to inspire her, as she has great wisdom to share. She then told me she would try, but that I had to also. So, I'm taking the challenge. Since I had great intentions on this blog three years ago, I decided to start here.

So, my new journey begins. My intention is to do an autobiography of sorts. I know I have led a life very different than most people, at least of those people I know. I traveled a lot when I was young, and saw a lot of places in the U.S. through young eyes. I have settled into middle age, had children that have made their own choices, and as I look back I think that I have a lot to say, especially to my family.

Now I know that most of them will never read this, but I'd like to say my peace anyway. They may agree or not, but I'm guessing they'll never read it anyway.

I would love for my grandchildren to know their grandmother better, her beginnings, her middle years, and her end. My prayer is that, in the end, they will recognize her as a godly woman. But since I usually don't speak many words, I usually prefer to listen to others and learn from them, writing these sentences may be the only way my grandchildren and others come to know me very well. Sure, they live close now, but they are young, and their minds are involved with all sorts of activities, and the least on their mind is their family heritage.

For starters, to know me, is to know that I know our wonderful, almighty God. Through thick and thin, he has been with me. As you will see as I progress through my thoughts, that even those times when I was far away from Him, He stayed close by me. Always tapping me on the shoulder, always protecting me from certain death or things many times worse. He always let me do my thing, then lovingly bring me back around to know Him, and to know His love for me, and His protection. He really is an awesome God.

And mixed in the middle of these thoughts, will be pieces of my devotions with my best friend, my God. I treasure the time I spend with Him every day. It just always amazes me how fresh and tuned in to me, that He is. Today's devotion was about Abraham. About how God didn't choose him to carry out His plan because he was special, talented, or even righteous, but He chose Abraham because He could work with him. He didn't even start working with him until he was 75. I'm not that old yet so there is still hope for me.

Abraham laughed when God told him His plan. How often do I laugh at God? Or put off what I know He wants me to do? Abraham lied about his wife being his sister, not once but twice. And this example was passed on to his son Isaac, who lied about his wife being his sister. What kind of sins have I passed on to my children? (There's a long stake in my heart at this point.)

But Abraham trusted God, and I want to trust Him too. No matter how crazy my life seems, I can trust God through every twist and turn without hesitation because He always keeps His promises. I know it for real!